They say once you go truck, you can never go smaller. And seeing the current trend in domestic markets, where the sales of just about every pickup truck are on a high and sedans are at an all-time low, they sure are right. Driving a pickup truck, even if you don’t need to haul any stuff around, has become somewhat of a lifestyle statement in the Western world. And sure enough, the rest of the planet seems to be following through.
Most owners of pickups are pretty proud and they’d do just about anything to make their trucks stand out from the crowd. Some of them do the right things, though, choosing a good wrap or upgrading their tires. Other pickup owners tend to make more technical decisions related to making their trucks off-road worthy and capable of spitting out just about any terrain.
But some pickup truck owners, in their new-truck-owner enthusiasm, end up making a hash out of their otherwise handsome trucks. In a bid to make their vehicles stand out, many choose the wrong mods, while some modifications only make the truck “look” bad and weaken the truck instead. Some mods literally subtract from the very utility of a pickup and end up leaving it looking like a truck with a major identity crisis. Honestly, folks, this is what all of us should not do to our pickup trucks, for the sake of the legacy of the pickup and common sense!
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25 A Pickup Monstrosity In Pink
Now, we get that color schemes are a very personal choice. And of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion of what makes a good color choice for a pickup. But this just hurts our eyes, our sensibilities, and seriously damages the lineage of a pickup truck. Even if the owner of this pickup truck is a female, pink is simply a color that is perhaps the opposite of all that a truck stands for. And we don’t mean gender. We simply mean the purpose, the size, and of course, the legacy.
24 Trying To Carry More Than It Can Carry
Much like pickup lines that fall flat when used wrong, pickup trucks too can get crushed under too much weight, aka a payload that they just cannot carry. And overloading a workhorse to the point of destroying it should be punishable under some law of cruelty towards vehicles, even if it isn’t already. Other than ruining a truck, modding it to carry extra weight damages the vehicle to a great extent and reduces its life span, so says Car Throttle. So if you need a heavier vehicle, you should get a heavier vehicle.
23 Hang On, Is That A Truck, Or A Train?
According to Jalopnik, the reason why tractors, enormous haulers, and even steam-powered locomotives (yep, they still run in many countries) have vertical exhausts is simple. For tractors, the fumes of exhausts contain toxins, so a vertical exhaust does not poison crops or the soil—just the air! For locomotives, they have no space underneath to run a traditional exhaust and so they need a vertical one. Now, unless you plan to cross rivers on a daily basis, that pickup of yours does not need a vertical stack, period.
22 Stinger Bumpers Are For Off-Roaders
If you plan to use that pickup for major rock crawling, then a stinger bumper or bar can come in handy. It reduces any damage to the front of your vehicle and also helps prevent any head-over-wheels rollovers, no pun intended. Also, a good stinger bumper is one that comes customized for your pickup; the one-size-fits-all theory is useless. However, if all you want to do is drive down one straight road after the other in style, a stinger bumper adds too much of weight to your pickup and can also be a hazard for pedestrians. So, please, desist unless the truck needs it for going off-road.
21 A Weird Attention Grab: Rolling Coal
To roll coal, aka billow out a huge amount of smoke from the existing exhaust or overly hyped ones, works on a simple premise. According to Truck Trends, you will have to install a smoke switch, which is an override system that tricks the engine into taking in more fuel than needed and burn it into billowing black clouds from the exhaust as you rev. It’s completely unnecessary, silly, and expensive. The mileage goes for a toss, as does the environment around you. But when has that stopped anyone from playing the fool?
20 Lowriders, To Do What?
The very premise of a pickup truck is to be a sturdy workhorse that can take you on rougher terrains and haul some loads, as well. Lowering it and turning it into a donk has zero purposes. Or style. Or sense. Most of these trucks ride on large rims with air ride suspension systems which completely take up the bed and render them so low that they cannot haul anything but air. If you have to slam something, go for a Honda or a Toyota sedan but pray, do not render a pickup truck so insanely unusable.
19 With Beadlocks, It’s The Real Deal Or Pass
Know what beadlocks are? They are a “safety device” that helps prevent the beads of tires from separating from the rims whilst you drive on terrain best left to prehistoric creatures. Beadlocks—contrary to what companies may refer to faux beadlocks—are needed if you ride on bone-jarringly jagged terrain on a regular basis. Faux beadlocks are silly, look even sillier, and are an exercise in futility, like if you decided to decorate a beater with a Ferrari logo. It won’t make the beater go any faster or make it look like a Ferrari, right?
18 Too Much Of A Thumping Glory
Yes, music is good. But there is a difference between good sound and loud sound. Sure, with a good music system, loud is good. But only loud isn’t good, which most youthful drivers do not realize. Some pickup-driving young ones decided to use their bed and turn it into a sound machine that would be perfectly at home in a large stadium or a Hard Rock Cafe. So if you get one of these ginormous woofer systems in the bed and smirk as people look at you when you drive down, don’t. They ain’t admiring and that music system isn’t dope.
17 Racing Tires On A Trackless Truck
Now, for those who do race trucks, respect. For those who don’t race trucks but still roll them on a 50-mph tarmac equipped with racing tires, dude, like, why? Remember, racing tires don’t have deeper treads or anything. In fact, they are slicker than even the most normal tire a truck can wear. They are meant to go on smooth tracks incredibly fast, so they aren’t built for grip, but for speed. This means the normal tarmac driver will wear out the racing tires very fast and also ruin the shocks and the suspension of his truck while doing it.
16 Weak Roof Lights Are A No Go
If you plan to drive into pitch-dark terrain, the kind lit only by the sun and the moon, your pickup will need extra lights. What it won’t need are cheap LED knock-offs. The thing is that headlights will not show you what’s behind the truck or even beside it. And the knock-off versions, often called work lights, are too weak to be effective and will only make your truck look bright, minus any throw. Ditch these in favor of branded halogen lights; even if they don’t look too fancy, that have enough throw to illuminate the surroundings.
15 Spark Plugs Blowing Hot And Cold?
If any “tuner” weaves a tale about how you need to upgrade cold spark plugs into hot ones, get into your truck, start the ignition and drive far, far away. If you race pickups, then a specialized spark plug may give you that split of a second edge but for a normal everyday ride, the normal spark plug is perfectly fine and adequate. As long as it’s working, that is. If the spark plus isn’t fine, the engine won’t turn and that is the time you need to get it changed. Otherwise, if it ain’t broke, leave it alone.
14 A-Pillar Gauges Look Tacky In Trucks
What’s the first reaction when you see a truck with A-pillar gauges? That they don’t belong there, right? Especially since these A-pillar gauges are just for show, since the real gauges are installed on the dashboard and work in tandem with the rest of the machinery. So, getting faux A-pillar gauges is a tad childish, like the fake watches kids love to sport while pretending to be all grown up. A truck is not a race car and while you may race a truck in truck races, you still don’t need A-pillar gauges as much as F1 cars do.
13 Extraordinarily Huge Exhausts
Size may matter in many unmentionable areas of life but bigger is not always better when it comes to truck exhaust tips. Why have huge and oversized exhaust tips? A bigger hole to roll coal from? Frankly, this is a trend most pickup owners find offensive, also because most of these oversized exhaust tips are fitted onto normal, stock exhaust systems. So they do nothing, look silly, and basically, are a colossal, giant-sized waste of money. But then, there’s no accounting for taste, is there?
12 Unmentionables On The Truck
How do you give the ultimate burn to the tailgater behind you? Going by the trend set by a company called Truck Nutz, you hang a couple of special details at the back of your truck. And we literally mean hanging a couple of plasticized family jewels from the rear bumper. Luckily, many states have started banning this unsightly trend. In fact, Florida has put a fine on them as well, so the truck’s accouterments have to be kept covered, lest it gets impounded for indecent exposure.
11 Let The Beater Be…
Many are so fond of their old hand-me-down trucks that they cannot seem to let go of these once-powerful machines. However, they also know that spending any more cash on these beaters is an utter waste considering they will soon be heading to the nearest landfill. So if the paint begins to peel, many a beater owner whips out a trusty spray can. But then, they end up doing a hack job of the paint. Unfortunately, sometimes the paint is too thick or too thin and looks worse than the original rusty scrap. If the truck isn’t worth a paint job, leave it with its battle scars like a respectable beater.
10 A Tailgate With Holes?
The idea of a pickup bed is to haul, lug, or carry stuff around. This means the tailgate acts like a barrier and holds the load inside. Replacing the tailgate with a sieve is akin to letting the baby fall out with the bathwater. While some say it improves mileage and betters aerodynamics, others say it worsens drag and lowers the mileage. Either or, it still looks ridiculous and may make a pickup hauler lose quite a bit of its payload in the process.
9 Hang On, Is My Truck An Alien?
Remember all those old UFO movies? All the alien craft had these underpinned lights that lit up their already strange looking crafts with a weird, unearthly glow. Now, why would anyone want a glow like that beneath a pickup? No one wants to see a Christmas carnival of a truck go cruising about the neighborhood. And all this attention the owner seems so desperate to hog will only get them negative publicity. And no, that’s not good. Plus, all these lights might also get them a ticket or two.
8 Spoilers Are A Drag On Pickups
Spoilers look great on sports cars and even improve the look of some sedate sedans. Plus, the right ones also increase performance and fuel efficiency. However, pickup trucks are one breed of vehicles that do not need spoilers because the only place where you’d put a spoiler on the pickup is at the tailgate. And on the tailgate, the spoiler would become more of a hindrance than a help, since the tailgate already reduces drag and does everything that a spoiler is supposed to do. And in this case, two is not better than one.
7 That Private Limo Tint Is Better Left To Limos
So, why is tinting such a big no for pickups? Well, from that high up, seeing the little guys on the road is already a little difficult. Now imagine looking out of a tinted windshield—the chances of you ramming someone and causing bodily harm just shot up by a big chunk. Plus, remember that in most places, limo tinting is illegal for all vehicles except limos, and the latter also have to apply for permission before they go all black. So, for the sake of safety, steer clear of tints.
6 Get Those Gullwings Off The Truck
Think of gullwings or scissor doors and which cars spring to mind? A Ferrari, Lambo, or even one of the new-fangled Teslas. Think a little harder and you remember the improbably glorious DMC DeLorean that sort of ruined the career of its makers. One does not speak of gullwings and pickup trucks in the same sentence unless one wants to commit automotive hara-kiri. According to Truck Trends, other than looking ridiculous, gullwing doors are unsafe for a vehicle you may be using in terrains where nature plays tricks on you. The doors can be blocked because of trees, boulders, and such, and also increase the risk of injuries in rollover crashes.
5 Loud Enough To Start An Avalanche
No, not kidding on the headline. Some Royal Enfield or Harley-Davidson riders seemingly love this trick. They ditch the stock exhaust pipes in favor of thinner or shorter ones. The result is not in the performance, but solely in the sound that turns their well-behaved rides into belching, burping, and otherwise ill-mannered louts. Unfortunately, some pickup owners do this, as well, though we don’t get the need to be “heard” all the time! If you off-road with a vehicle like this, the wildlife would scoot before you had a chance to spot any.
4 Stancing A Truck And Rendering It Useless
It’s the Neanderthal remnants in us that want perfectly decent pickup drivers to aggressively jut out their wheels beyond the sides of their truck using wheel spacers. Much like the jutting lower jaw of the Early Man, it shows an aggressive stance. However, this kind of stancing on a pickup not only ruins the looks but also damages the underpinnings a big amount. The wheel well will no longer catch any junk that gets thrown up, plus you will also get rocks nicks and dents on the sides of the pickup.
3 Chrome On A Pickup?
Much like makeup, with chrome, too, less is more. This means that a little chrome on the car will go a long way in making it look classy and refined. Now, if you go nuts on the chrome, that’s a whole new story. Too much of chrome is like the root of all auto evil. Why bling out the pickup to an extent that it looks just about as bright as the sun, but with no solar advantages to it? It hurts eyes, people, and sensibilities, too.
2 The Himalaya Of The Pickup Trucks
According to Car Throttle, lift kits are good, as long as you stay on the saner side of them. Lifting a truck by a foot, or maximum two, makes sense if you plan to drive on roads best left to the dinosaurs. These rather expensive kits let you clear ground that no ordinary off-roading vehicle could do so on normal ground clearance. However, an extra foot or two is all you need. Any higher than that and you have a truck that basically wants to take to the skies but is limited by all that suspension weight.
1 Honey, I Donked The Pickup
Impossible rims just destroyed this truck! A truck is meant to be fitted with all-terrain tires and go on roads that no wheels have ever gone on before. They can haul a payload if needed, or simply be a lifestyle vehicle for you, albeit with colossal space. Yanking a truck off perfectly serviceable alloys and onto ridiculous rims just about kills the purpose, use, and the styling of a truck. It’s like trying to run a railroad off the tracks. Plain silly! Even worse are the sillier rear doors on this one.
Sources: Truck Trend, Car Throttle, and Jalopnik.